Family Is Everything
Healthy family dynamics are not something I am used to. It is always a somewhat jarring experience when I visit extended family (by marriage) and feel loved and welcomed by them wholeheartedly.
Growing up in trauma meant having to constantly be on high alert for the next blow up. It was literally like living in a war zone 24/7 and your only goal was to survive the day. There was no love nor warmth, only constant conflict and negativity. You grow accustomed to that, you assume all families are like that, until you are able to expereince something else.
Visiting Toronto, I am faced with countless beautiful family members and always feel such warmth and love from those who aren’t even blood related. it’s as though they've been my family all along, and I was missing for a while, but I’m home again. We embrace, laugh, eat, and reminisce. I fit in perfectly, and they miss me when I’m not there. Goodness knows, I miss them too.
I count myself as lucky. Most people in my situation don't get a second chance like this. They don’t have the opportunity to be a part of a healthy family unit, but I was. I always joke to my children and tell them I was adopted as an adult, because that is truly how it feels.
I suppose part of the reason I feel such sadness at leaving, is I am leaving my family behind. But, I know they are there for me, I know that they love me. I love them, very, very, much.
